Holy randomness

moments

2008-09-30T22:44:00.001-04:00

I notice, often, that sometimes life unfolds like you're on a television show, or in a movie or a book. I don't mean the big things -- not when everything in your life comes together and we all live happily ever after. I'm talking about the smaller things, the moments when life writes itself as if it were a book or a movie or a television show.

Bill and I have been bickering all night. Not about anything meaningful; we're both in off-moods so we're picking up on each other's quirks more than usual. Either way, it's annoying.

He decides to go to bed. He picks up his shoes, a pile of CDs and a toilet paper roll that need to go upstairs -- something he never does -- walks up to the point of the steps just before I won't be able to see him anymore and stops. He looks at me and says, "You know, what you once saw as charming is what you got." And pauses just long enough to get that movie stare, and keeps walking.

My brain processed that moment just slowly enough so I could remember his words as I heard them. I thought about the way he said it, and what he meant. And I wrote it down.

6/19/08: who's telling me no?

2008-06-19T21:27:00.003-04:00

who's telling me no?

i've decided: a poem a day.
i've had it. enough of this shit.
i have to be done with wanting
to live a life i could have if i didn't
play dumb. i'm not.
so what's taking so long?

"the game kids are DYING to play"

2005-11-23T12:35:00.000-05:00

I heard a commercial on the radio yesterday for a news story about "Protecting your kids from the game they're DYING to play." I'm assuming they were talking about the whole kids choking each other for fun thing. (The following rant doesn't need my little commercial introduction to make sense, but I just threw that in there to show the big deal people are making about this.)

OK, so you find out that your kids are now choking each other for fun -- or to get high, or pass out, or 'cause it's cool, or whatever the hell they think. And you don't know what to do about it? BEAT THE CRAP out of your kids.

Now, I'm not a parent, and probably won't be for a few years. But I can tell you right now -- and both of my parents would probably agree -- that I would beat the crap out of my kid.

What are your options? How else do you treat a child who thinks it's smart/fun/cool to choke someone (or be choked) until passing out?

I'm not talking 5- or 6-year olds. These are teenagers doing this.

And it's not new! Why do people think it's new? My (future) mother-in-law said that kids were doing that when she was young. And when I was younger!

The summer after sixth grade I went to camp (the only time my parents made the mistake of dropping me off in the wilderness) and there was this group of kids making each other pass out.

'Ooh, look, she's shaking and drooling on the ground and I can see up her skirt. Wanna try?'

I don't think so.

I didn't have many friends when I was that age, and I wanted to be part of the crowd. During that same camp experience, I even let an older boy (named Nino) touch my boob when we were taking a picture together because I didn't want him to think I was lame. But allowing someone else to choke me would have been dumb. That much I knew.

So why are people having such a problem "talking to their kids" about this?

DON'T LET ANYONE CHOKE YOU. Fuckin duh, man. Seriously. Do we really need an hour-long Oprah special on this one, or can kids just develop minds that work independently of other people before they start killing their brain cells?

Five Things I Wanted to Do At Work Today, But Couldn't

2005-11-08T11:50:00.000-05:00

Five Things I Wanted to Do At Work Today, But Couldn't, For Fear of People Staring Into My Cubical:

(dedicated to Melissa Juhas)

1. Tie my hair into a knot -- I've heard that's impossible to do, but today there was a hair on my sweater and it had a tiny little knot at the end of it. I'd like to try to tie into a knot a whole section of my hair, but can't right now, for fear of people staring.

2. Paint my toenails -- It's time for a pedicure, and I'm ready to paint them (Hey, I could do work while the paint is drying...)

3. Have a rum and Coke, and a smile -- My chapstick reminds me of Captain Morgan's Spiced Rum. It's vanilla-flavored, but something about the butteriness of it makes me think of the Captain.

4. Make an appointment to check out a DJ for the wedding -- Well, that I can't do because we don't have any time to go to the appointment. Although people might stare -- you never know.

5. Take a nap -- Come on now. I think this one is self-explanatory.

One of My Bathroom Fears

2005-11-04T11:25:00.000-05:00

One of my bathroom fears just came true:

I was in a bathroom stall and the cleaning guy came into the bathroom. I know this because I heard someone come into the bathroom and then leave, and then when I walked out, the cleaning guy was standing outside the door, waiting to go in. And he looked at me as if to say, Wow, you drink a lot of water.

Thank GOD I don't go to the bathroom -- you know, GO to the bathroom -- in public places. And this little incident only served to reaffirm my belief in holding it.

Rufus at the Beacon (11/2/05)

2005-11-03T13:55:00.000-05:00

Last night was Rufus Wainwright at the Beacon Theatre* --

Excellent show. Rufus sounded amazing, and the Beacon is a great venue for him. I've seen him there twice, but last night, he had a brass section, which is something I've been waiting for since Want One was released. "Beautiful Child" sounded so great. He opened with "Oh What a World," which was awesome. A few new songs that I'll be excited to get once they come out (one -- "Between My Legs" -- apparently for someone that was in the audience last night but he didn't want to talk about). "Poses," which is always welcome. "I Don't Know What It Is," "Want," "Go or Go Ahead," "The Art Teacher." Some other songs from Want Two that I've heard but not enough to remember. A Leonard Cohen song, "Chelsea Hotel," that I've never heard before, but really liked. A McGarrigle Christmas song from his mother's new CD. Et cetera.

Bill wasn't so happy about "Gay Messiah," and I'll have to admit, it was a little over the top. (This coming from somebody who is only offended by people who get offended.) Everyone on stage came out in white sheets, basically, to the end of "Old Whore's Diet." Then two guys, in those Roman-looking outfits with the brush-type helmets, came out with a big white cross, and put a wreath on Rufus's head and these diamond bracelet things on his wrists. Then Rufus stood there and sang "Gay Messiah" with his arms lifted on the cross. It was so wrong. I told Bill I think we should go to church on Sunday now.

Even crazier -- after the whole "Gay Messiah" thing, they left and came back for an encore. He played a new song, and then "Hallelujah," from the Shrek soundtrack. It was just two totally different sides of the spectrum. I mean, not that "Hallelujah" from Shrek is anything like the religious song, but it's uplifting! At least I think so. And this is my blog, dammit.

(This is why I don't professionally write reviews.)

But, all in all, it was much better than the last time I saw him (in Philly at one of those two outdoor venues, it was raining, everybody was there to see Guster or Ben Folds, not good). I wasn't disappointed. Although I would have liked to hear "Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk." And "California."

*This account of the concert is mostly for Angela, because she wanted to know everything that happened. (Ang -- there was this great t-shirt with Rufus on it. I wanted to get it for you, but I also wanted it for myself and I couldn't decide, and I didn't have any money, so I didn't buy it at all. It's a shame.)

"All them tremendous brunettes..."

2005-11-02T11:32:00.000-05:00

I have "Tremendous Brunettes" -- by Mike Doughty, featuring Dave Matthews -- stuck in my head. But I don't know many of the words, so "All them tremendous brunettes" is the line that keeps circling. Or is it circulating?

Open. Delete. Open. Delete.

2005-11-01T12:36:00.000-05:00

And today, I spend all day deleting electronic receipts from the PR request e-mails I sent out this morning.

Almost an accident

2005-11-01T09:31:00.000-05:00

I almost got in a car accident this morning on the way to work.

I was on a pretty busy road, probably a numbered road but not a highway. There are two lanes, and the left lane is always backed up in the morning. So some people, myself included, drive up in the right lane and cut over when the lane ends. But that's what happened.

So I'm in the right lane, and I'm going about 30ish because there's no one in front of me, and a car from the left lane (I think there was a woman driving) just pulls in front of me. I slam on my breaks and lay on my horn, and she stops, waits for a second, then puts her hand up like, OK, I'm going now. I'm still shaking my head at her as she accelerates and slams right into an SUV coming from the other direction and making a left. I slam on my breaks again and sit there, stunned. I can't believe she just hit that car. The cars behind me start pulling around the accident, and I do the same.

I still can't believe it.
A - That could've been me, either that she slammed into, or that slammed into the SUV. She may not have been paying attention, but I know I couldn't see the SUV turning from where I was, so I probably would've hit it.
B - I didn't stop and I didn't call 911. I know how to get to work, and I go on that road every day, but if you asked me in a normal conversation what road it was, I wouldn't be able to tell you. In a situation like that, I freeze. Plus, as Bill mentioned, if I had stayed until the cops got there to give my account of what happened or something, the woman in the car might have tried to blame me for cutting her off or something.

I feel horrible. And my heart is still pounding. And I'm so glad it wasn't me.

Rant Advocating Not Advocating

2005-10-31T13:26:00.000-05:00

I read this article on the MSNBC Web site today, and I can't believe it. Apparently, a Wisconsin Catholic school cancelled a fashion show -- to raise money for the school -- because some of the clothes would be modeled after the American Girls series dolls. And apparently, the American Girls series supports abortion and lesbianism. Now, from what I read in the article, it seems that the American Girls series supports Girls Inc., which is an organization that provides scholarships and education (including sex education), and promotes growing and learning and all that good stuff parents want for their daughters.

First of all, I feel bad for any girl in that area that happened to grow up loving the American Girls series. Anyone who has read them has to realize that those books make girls feel good about themselves. It also helps kids to realize that they have the same problems that kids 20 and 30 years ago had.

On top of that, I am so sick of these organizations that pick up one little detail and ruin things -- events, children's books, etc. -- for everyone else. Even if the organization does something as silly as providing girls with correct information they might actually need one day, like information about safe sex, or supports her right to make her own decisions, especially those about her body, who cares?! Do any kids really research the publishing companies and supporting organizations of the books they read? No. Hell, most adults don't.

I think that some advocacy organizations need to back off people who disagree with them. Some organizations need to back off people who AGREE with them. I don't understand why people can't just sit around and talk to each other about issues that concern them. I don't want anybody shoving any cause down my throat.

Here's the article site, for however long it's still up:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9875504/

Steph's (Lonely) Book Club (1) -- Read These to Join. Or Don't. Whatever.

2005-10-28T13:13:00.000-04:00

My recent and current reads and thoughts:

A Million Little Pieces, by James Frey -- Excellent book. I didn't want to put it down, and now that I'm finished with it, I want to know more. What did James do after the last scene in the book? What did he do yesterday? What did he eat for breakfast this morning? The book was so detailed that I'm actually feeling at a loss because I don't know the answers to these questions. Go out and read it. Now.
P.S. - I took the "Oprah's Book Club" sticker off the book before I read it, out of principle. I wanted to read that before Oprah made her Everyone-Read-This declaration. (Although if I had been in her audience and she personally had bought it for me, I would've left the sticker on.)

The Year of Magical Thinking, by Joan Didion -- Bought this last night, read the first couple chapters and I can't wait to leave work and read more. The story is heartbreaking, and I'm only hearing it for the first time. Didion is a writer I've always meant to read, but forget about constantly. The plan is to finish this book (and love it, I'm sure) and then pick up the rest of her collection and be able to point out (to myself) the motivation for sadness in this piece or that, etc. I'll let you know how that goes.

The Liars Club, by Mary Karr -- Started this awhile ago but put it down in favor of A Million Little Pieces. I think that was the right decision. I like this book, but now that I've finished Pieces, The Club is looking pretty sad. (Although, how many books can compete with painfully honest drug addiction and recovery?) I'm getting back into it now, but, in the back of my mind, I keep hearing professors talk about how she couldn't possibly remember all this -- from age seven -- as clearly as she writes it, and she makes no attempt to say, "This is how I remember it, but I could be wrong" or "So-and-so supplemented my memories with facts." I kind of resent that kind of writing. I would have much more respect for her if she had told me from the beginning that she could be making up a lot of the story, or if she inserted "I think" into every chapter or so. I'm way more into random thoughts. (Duh.)

The Chronicles of Narnia, by C.S. Lewis -- Started these awhile ago, too, because I saw a preview for the movie, and I won't see it until I've finished the books. I should have read them when I was a kid. It's tragic, really.
So I'm on the third book (The Horse and His Boy) and I really enjoy them. Again, the series got put to the side for Pieces (talking animals vs. crack addicts?), but the books are quick reads and, I say, fun for all ages. I sound like a commercial.

Now I Can Die in Peace, by Bill Simmons -- I'm not actually reading this, but I feel like I am because Bill (my fiance, not the author) reads aloud to me every five minutes. Which I love. I've been trying to get him to read to me since I met him. Then there's me -- I read aloud bits of anything I get my hands on. I think it's because I like my voice so much. (Ha!) But anyway, this book is by an ESPN writer and it's a collection of his past columns about the Red Sox. I think. But he has a whole bunch of footnotes where he ties other stuff (like weddings) into sports and he's really funny. I'll probably read it when Bill's finished (my fiance, not the author).

That's it for now. I'm sure I'll do this more in the future, so that's why I numbered the title. Happy reading.

"Z, as in zebra..."

2005-10-27T15:32:00.000-04:00

It's really inconvenient that nobody can ever spell my last name. I call people and leave them messages to call me back with information -- when we both know that it would be easier for them to just e-mail me -- but it's virtually impossible for me to leave my e-mail address on a message.

"OK, it's S-Z as in zebra-U-L-T as in Tom, etc., etc." Most of the time people think my name starts with an 'S' or a 'C' and that's only the beginning of the real misspelling.

And it won't get any better once I get married. Then it will just turn into "Pavlov-like the dogs-but with a 'U'"...

My Sunny Commute

2005-10-26T10:12:00.000-04:00

This morning I had to get up at 5:30 a.m. in order to be at work by 8:30. I slept at Bill's last night, and decided I was going to swing by the deli and get breakfast sandwiches for some of my coworkers. So, with one 20-minute stop at the deli, it took me two hours to get to work. Which actually isn't so bad, considering that day I had the almost-doctor-appointment a couple weeks ago (that they made me reschedule once I got there), it took me three hours to get to work.

Anyway, the point of what I'm saying here is that I actually had a nice drive this morning. And I think it was so nice because when I first got on the road it was dark. There's something really relaxing about driving with the sunrise, watching the clouds move.

Until the fucker in front of you slams on his breaks for no reason and you have to scream at him.

PETITION: Autumn Promoted to Year-Round Season

2005-10-24T10:58:00.000-04:00

I am so cold I can't even stand it. What happened to my autumn? Where did the walk-through-the-park-in-a-sweater days go? Where are my crunching leaves? This year, the leaves are either still green or totally gone. Where is all the color?

I want to know who I can talk to about getting fall weather promoted to year-round weather.

Bill and I are getting our engagement pictures done next weekend, and if there isn't beautiful fall scenery in the background, I'm gonna be so mad. Livid, even.

"Thanks. They're fake."

2005-10-21T13:10:00.000-04:00

Another reason I shouldn't speak to people:

This morning, a woman I work with told me she liked my earrings. (They're long, dangly, very 80s.) I responded with, "Thanks. They're fake. They make my ears itch."

Now, that just sounds ridiculous. And was there any question that they were fake? They don't sparkle. It's not like they could be confused with diamonds. And why does she care whether or not my ears itch.

Everyone asks why I'm so antisocial. It's because, when I actually do talk to people, I sound like that.

First Post

2005-10-20T16:56:00.000-04:00

First post. What do I say?

Well, first of all I hate when my fiance's little brother says that blogging is stupid. It's not an I'm-a-teeny-bopper thing. It's an I'm-a-writer thing. For me, being a writer -- whether or not I actually write -- is all about wanting to tell everybody everything. So here we are.

This is going to be an outlet for all my random thoughts while I'm at work.